Marriage is a condition where a man and a woman are traditionally or legally united for the purpose of being together. In traditional igbo society, it is not just a union between the prospective husband and wife but a long lasting relationship that unites siblings; families included extended families, kindred’s, villages, towns’ etc. This is justified by the saying “ofu onye adighi alu nwanyi.
Years ago, marriages use to be arranged by parents and families who simply choose a bride for their sons and help them conclude the marriage ceremony, but this has changed significantly as people are free to choose their life partner. However, In Igboland, one do not just pick a girl on a street, take her home and start producing children and one cannot publicly refer to lady as his wife until part or all of the traditional marriage rites are performed, otherwise , the fellow would be shouted down by legitimately married men. Furthermore, children from such relationship are traditionally not regarded as legitimate.
There several steps involved in traditional Igbo marriage and these include the introduction of the prospective couples, Bride Dowry Settlement, traditional wedding proper.
INTRODUCTION OF THE PROSPECTIVE COUPLES: Igbo tradition does not encourage girls going out in search of husbands, regardless of the girl age or status and is expected to wait until the prospective husband approaches her family. It is also traditional and customary for the groom (Di) to propose to the bride (Nwunye) and once there is a marriage affirmation, the groom is expected to visit the bride’s family accompanied by his father or nearest male relative to express their intentions.
The first visit by the groom family to the bride family is known as ekwe-nkwefu , Mmaya ajuju,, or Nne na Nna (marriage proposal visit) and is customary that the bride’s father welcomes the guests irrespective of any decisions. The groom’s family entourage could range from 6 to 10 persons, and their gifts will include kola nut, palm wine, beer, soft drinks and tobacco. The bride’s family will prepare food and serve the visitor. During this first visit, the bride father or nearest male relative (if bride father is late) is expected to invite the bride to confirm if she known the groom and if she intend to marry the groom.
After the first visit, the groom family will leave and return at an agreed time to enable the bride’s family to investigate the groom’s family background (if necessary) and/or to prepare for the next step. The family background investigation is intended to dig into historic family traits, incidents, recurring diseases, abominable acts, child bearing problems, insubordination or other marital problems.
When the groom’s family returns for the second visit, they are expected to bring wine, drinks, food, kola nut, etc., as gifts for the bride’s family. They will then, again, state their intent with the bride to be. Usually at this time, the bride to be is in another room. When the intent is stated, the bride to be will come out and confirm that the groom to be is someone she is interested in marrying.
The third visit is for the purpose of extended family drink (Mmanya Umunna), which is to inform the extended family from the bride’s father’s side that someone is interested in marrying their daughter. The groom’s entourage may be up to 20 people and gifts and drinks also increase. A goat is often a part of the gifts. The hosts will also prepare assorted meals for the visitors.
BRIDE DOWRY SETTLEMENT
This is the process of determining the value of the bride to the groom and offers an opportunity for the bride’s family to extol the bride virtues and accomplishments. It can often involve a lengthy culturally knowledge based negotiations until n agreement is reached and money change hands. Some families will settle for a commitment from the groom to take good care of the bride and her children and/or with a request to the groom to assist the training of the bride’s siblings
This rite may be done as part of traditional wedding (Igba Nkwu), but in general, it requires a “separate” visit to the bride’s family which could be same day. .
During the bride price negotiation, broom sticks are used to represent money and most times it starts with the Bride’s family presenting a huge bundle of broom sticks to represent the value of their daughter to the groom. The groom’s family will then go out and consult amongst themselves and return with a counter offer in the form of a much reduced bundle of broom sticks. The bride’s family will again consult amongst themselves and agree on a slightly reduced amount, so will the groom’s family. This back and forth session will continue until a decision is reached by both families.
TRADITIONAL WEDDING PROPER (IGBA NKWU)
This is the final ceremony to publicly celebrate and seal the marriage between the groom and the bride, and normally takes place in the bride’s family compound. The guest list from both the groom’s and bride’s families is often unlimited. Depending on the resources of the two families, several hundreds or even thousands of people come to witness the occasion. The immediate and extended families, friends and well wishers are invited.
Some Igbo communities will have a list of specific items that the groom must present to the bride’s family and the kindred. These may include kola nuts, palm wine and other assorted drinks, heads of tobacco, snuff, cloths, jewellery, etc. The Igba Nkwu ceremony kicks off with:
- The arrival of the groom’s party with their drinks and other gifts. They are led to the area reserved for them.
- The bride’s family comes out to greet their in-laws. Meantime, the bride and her maids are inside the house getting dressed.
- Once most of the guests are settled in their respective places, the bride and her maids will make the first appearance, primarily to greet the in-laws. They will dance regally around the venue while relatives spray money on them.
- The appearance of the bride, the groom’s family presents their gifts to the in-laws.
- Bride family checks the items to make sure that they are in accordance with their specifications. Any shortfall of omission usually means that the groom has to make up for it by cash payment.
- Once the drinks and other gifts are accepted, the kola nuts are broken and shared.
- In some communities, the bride and her party will make a second appearance to show that the bride is capable of making money by trading. This is done selling boiled eggs in trays. They will give these eggs to the guests who in turn will put money into the trays as payment for the eggs.
- The Bride goes before her father to receive his blessing. After the blessing, the father pours palm wine into a cup and hands the cup over to his daughter to give to the groom. The groom is usually well hidden among the crowd to make it difficult for the bride to find him. The bride and her party will keep searching everywhere until they find him.
- Once bride finds the groom, she will offer him the cup of wine, which he sips and hands back to the bride for her to sip as well all to the applause of the audience
- Both the groom and the bride now go before each of their parents to get their prayers and blessing. Once the blessings are given, the newly married couple will dance together to entertain their guests. While the dance is going on, money is sprayed on them as well as on their parents and other relatives.
- These days, Igba Nkwu also features the cutting of a cake by the newly married couple. Once the cake is cut, the couple then takes their seat at a conspicuous location in the compound. Relatives, friends and well-wishers then take turns to present gifts to the couple. The eating and drinking and general merry-making goes on till late into the night
- When the party begins to wind down, the family of the groom willby way of a song indicate that they are about to leave, and that they have to take their wife with them.
- Most of the time there are no issues, and the parents of the bride will present their own gifts to her to take to home
